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Hi – I name Gail and I is stalk. I make no apologies for the fact that I take extended looks at your online activity (and potentially invade your privacy) in my relationships. I’ve been burned before due to my naivety in these issues and I hate being made to look like a fool, especially on social media where EVERYONE is watching. Is it a good practice? No. Do I still do it? Yes. Why?
Well, when it boils down to it, I’m a territorial soul and I love to protect what is mine. If I have made a commitment to you I guard that something fierce. I don’t think that’s wrong, but I do know that not everyone can deal with that. #AndThatsOk
I truly believe that our forefathers (and mothers) had this dating thing much easier than we do now, and we are trying to maintain archaic thoughts and rules for a dating game that has entered a new age. Think about it – if Eleanor (or Ebenezer) down the road wanted your man or woman, you could block that bulls*t with ease. They couldn’t be as sneaky about it, and everyone in the town usually knew what was going on. If you saw Eleanor you would be able to have words with her in the street and go back home and about your business. Eleanor would bake pies for your man or Ebenezer would try to write love notes, and these could be intercepted with some ease if you were paying attention enough.
Nowadays, Eleanor is now Tiffany and that chick is butt nekkid in your man’s DMs, Inbox, Instagram, tagging, subbing, and all kinda messy mess that would almost be a full time job if you really had the time. Ebenezer now has d**k pics in your lady’s inbox and sending nudes via text. Truthfully, the easy access to your partner’s profile makes it ten times easier to fall susceptible to the wiles of wicked and evil women and men who see what they want, and want it for themselves.
As a female I would like to say that I know how most women are, and as such I tend to act as a gate-keeper of sorts to see exactly what’s going on online. From time to time to remind my man that I’m paying attention, and he should watch his step when it comes to what he entertains in the online community. Flirting online is harmless until it isn’t, and as the age of technology continues to form and change the dating scene, the majority of relationships started with the same “cute comment” Tiffany is now posting under your man’s picture. As such, every so often as I feel inclined, I will take a relaxing and casual stroll down his various timelines and news feeds, see the sights and comments, and protect what is mine.
I was curious to see what others thought about this practice and put it to my Facebook and Twitter feeds for comment (the irony of this is not lost on me). I received an overwhelming response, with answers of varying degrees. I was beside myself with excitement at all the feedback, and it indicated that this is something that people who are currently in relationships are dealing with.
Jarad, Melanie, Brian, Jayde and Zhivago agreed that there was nothing wrong. Jenica stated “I check the profiles of people social media who I love, so judge my significant other”. Toonz commented, “It shouldn’t be a problem. My lady and I live together and everything is always open. She could check my phone or Facebook if she slips into a spell of insecurity. It saves me the trouble of reassuring her that I am still holding it down”.
A few other people declared that there was nothing wrong with checking your partner’s social media accounts to perhaps see if all is in order. Others declared, “What you look for, you will find” meaning if you go looking for trouble on your partner’s page, you will find something to disagree with.
Sammy Jo disagreed saying, “If there is nothing to find, looking will not make you find it. If you find something it was there waiting to be found”, and Letoya echoed her sentiments stating that, “When one has nothing to hide, one shouldn’t care!”
Here are a few other comments:
“Life is much better when you don’t. As adults, though, both sides should know what is appropriate from what is not for me. So if you feel the need to police your partner… shrugs” – Daran
“Naw that’s some serious insecurity” – Mega
“If you mean, intentionally analyzing for questionable posts/comments from others/tweets then ahhh, nah. If one is doing that, clearly there is an issue that needs to be addressed. Otherwise, can I miss my significant other and browse pics and posts like a regular person!” – Tristan
“Nope! Whatever they post will come up on your newsfeed anyway so if there is something out the way it will show up! Don’t go looking for problems your eyes see exactly what your mind is thinking you may over-read over think and over react to things!” – Chavala
Tia stated “Gal lemme tell you, it will drive you crazy if you already feel lil odd, had a lil argument etc etc. LOL you’ll be scrolling like – right nah this gal like him, I think she liking too much of his pics. You’ll build a whole false relationship. But in my opinion if you trust each other doesn’t even matter if you do or don’t.”
“Your partner should be your “friend” virtual or otherwise. So treat his/her social media accounts like you do other friends. HOWEVER … Govern yourself … Just because someone else stalks your partner (like every post, comment every post, post on wall daily) doesn’t mean that partner is reciprocating (well … Stalk the other persons page too)… Take your issues off-line. Now … If we talking FB inbox, WhatsApp, etc … KEEP OUT… Ya looking fa trouble. Concentrate on the non-virtual, non-cyber relationship.” – Carol
“It may be a key in understanding the person you’re going to make your financial partner… might find some unsavory habits or even prove that this is the person you want working with you professionally” –Garnett
“Yes it’s fine because your social media profile(s) [are] a reflection of yourself, maybe not in depth but still. Sometimes the things you can’t say you favorite, retweet or make reference to in lyrics” – Jazmine
“Social media is a made up world and most people you’ll never meet. Liking pics and commenting is a part of the social media world… Why do you have it otherwise if you’re just ghosting?! A relationship is built on trust, if you have issues you take it up with your partner and you talk about it. Most of the time it’s in the persons head that the next person is flirting because of things on social media. Liking to many pics, commenting every now and then lol that’s what’s it all about! Know that your partner is there for you to talk to, to touch and to love in real life!” -Amo
“While I believe in trusting your partner, I also believe in transparency. If your partner is maintaining trust, being honest and loyal, this should not be an issue. With a more recent ex that I had, I checked and found something extremely questionable and it allowed me to take necessary action and end the relationship. Like an earlier post said ‘If there is nothing there, there is nothing to find’. I can’t create imagery from my own intuition; You had to be doing something wrong. This only pertains to relationships on that level though.” – Chris
It was really interesting to see the varying opinions on the topic and I wondered if we need to have more discussions to set the guidelines for modern relationships. For me, I feel as though the less you trust the person, the more you snoop. (Why are you in a relationship if you don’t trust the person right? So they say). For example, my ex, (what’s an ex?) I discovered, was one of the least trustworthy people to ever walk the face of this earth (personal opinion #FactsOnly) and I found myself constantly looking for clues on his social media pages and feeds like a damn Scooby-Doo episode. To be honest it was QUITE tiring and the return on investment for my time and emotions was just heartache and STRESS.
Depending on personalities I think we are more inclined to seek and find that which we deem as indications of unfaithfulness or even someone encroaching upon our territory.
Just remember, as in the days of old, if your significant other wants to cheat or step out, they will find a way to do so, and especially with technology it has become easier to do every day. Casually visiting your partner’s social media profiles should not be a problem, but it should not be the bane of your relationship.
What are your thoughts? Are you a professional online stalker? Comment below!