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What happened last night on my TiVo? Let’s find out:
Law & Order: SVU is in it’s 45th season and still thriving enough to get topics trending on twitter. While I can sit and watch a SVU marathon on USA for 9 hours straight, last night’s episode left me feeling nothing. But, it was still an event on social media so let’s get into it.
The episode opens with Benson having yet another party in her apartment that she now shares with her boo. Do people really hang out with their co-workers this much? Anyway, Amanda is pouring wine and everyone is like “yeah more wine!” and that’s when you know, this is not going to end well. Amaro is there being his usual brooding self wanting to go home and when the party is over he rushes out, Amanda is able to catch up with him on the street and the two witness a cop being hit by a car while running after a perp. Amanda tends to the cop while Amaro runs – into what I assume is a government housing building – after the perp.
He meets another cop there who just happens to be Janay from Orange is The New Black and I can’t get over how she went from inmate to cop in such a short time. Anyway, Janay gets shot in the hallway and Amaro fires into the hallway without looking thinking that he’s under attack. But here’s the catch. Janay (I’m sorry I really didn’t take the time to learn her character’s name) tripped and when she did she fired her gun and the bullet ricocheted. Bitch shot herself y’all. She shot herself. Then Amaro, thinking she was fired at began firing into the hallway and because of the echo, he thought that someone was firing back at him.
A bloodclot ricochet..smh. #SVU
— TheSirDaniel.com (@TheSirDaniel) January 16, 2014
When he does finally stop firing, and looks down the hall there is a little boy laying on the ground. Shot in the torso. This won’t end well. In true SVU fashion, Al Sharpton’s cousin shows up. Demanding that Amaro be arrested for a hate crime. Eventually IAB shows up and arrests Amaro - but not before taking his gun and badge.
— TJ Rigg (@TJ_Rigg) January 16, 2014
After being let out on $500,000 bail (isn’t that a bit much for a police officer?), Amaro goes home to talk with his family when Benson shows up. They’re all intense in conversation when shots are fired through Amaro’s window. Benson runs outside to find two smart ass delinquents in the street and she is followed by Amaro who runs outside like a juiced up A. Rod with a baseball bat. Ready to swing at the two black men in the street antagonizing him. Because of the house shooting, Amaro loses custody of his daughter and things are not looking good.
Not only is he accused of a hate crime, they’re saying that he was drunk during the shooting and therefore unable to really assess what was going on.
That moscato is the devil #SVU
— SP IS MY OFFICE! (@BIGBABY_SP) January 16, 2014
With things going ALLLLLL the way left for him, Amaro decides to take a plea deal, but walks out when the prosecutor insists on him pleading guilty to a hate crime. Eventually the grand jury decides to not bring charges against him because he was so remorseful towards the events that happened.
I wish that I could have cared more but there was no way that Amaro was going to jail. 1) He’s too pretty and 2) With Benson now Sargent, they need a hot head person in the interrogation room.
I then skipped over to FX where one of the best shows on TV currently resides. American Horror Story: Coven is not to be trifilled with. Boasting the likes of Kathy Bates, Jessica Lange, and Angela Bassett this season you cannot get better shade on TV right now.
They opened with a flashback on Madame Delphine arriving in New Orleans from Paris. Already she’s complaining about how bored she’s going to be in the new city. That evening she had to kill a chicken – I’m going to pause here and inform you that when she hacks the head off the chicken with an axe she is wearing a full sleeved ball gown. Killing the chicken obviously awakens something in her because her eyes light up as if she just had back to back orgasms.
Welp PETA’s gonna have a field day with that chicken scene #AHSCoven
— Kary Degrassi (@KaryDegrassi) January 16, 2014
In present day, the entire coven is at Nan’s funeral. Cordelia looks very upset, as does Zoe, but the others can’t be bothered. Leveau and Fiona especially. I mean one could assume that because they killed her they wouldn’t have a vested interest in being at her funeral, but it is the sheer lack of fucks these two give that is amazing. We’ll get back to the those two in a moment.
As anyone who’s been watching AHS this season knows, no one stays dead. So imagine my eyeroll when Queenie hops out of a car at the graveyard with Delphine on a leash. Yes, that Queenie. The one who blew her own head off a few episodes ago.
So we aren’t even explaining resurrections anymore? Folks just return. #AHSCoven
— D (@Dinkologist) January 16, 2014
Later in the episode Queeine explains that even though she shot herself in the head, she can’t be killed. We see her shooting herself and then almost immediately her body rejects the bullet. Naturally Queenie now assumes that she is the new Supreme.
All these supremes Diana Ross would have none of this #AHSCoven
— Johnny Boy ☮ (@JohnTheFame) January 16, 2014
While explaining her miraculous resurrection Queenie goes off on Cordelia telling her that she is a weak leader that cannot protect anyone in the coven. I don’t know what this does in Cordelia’s head but the next time we see her she is stabbing herself in not one but both eyes so she can be blind again. I get why she did it – she wants that supernatural sight back and the only way she’s getting it is if she is blind again.; but you guys, that was some grusome shit.
The unholy three-some is now a two some when Kyle chooses Zoe over Madison. I’m only writing about this scene because it brought one of the best lines of the night, after Kyle dismisses Madison, he, and Zoe are officially an item, Myrtle tells Madison that she is not fit to be the next supreme as all she does is wear crotchless underwear. Madison then makes the best campaign pledge I’ve ever heard and as a result gets my vote. Crotchless Panties for everyone!
On to the best part of the episode. If this was TNT their show would have been called Leveau & Supreme. Fiona and Marie. After giving us some of the best standoffs that television has ever seen earlier in the season, the two are now bosom buddies. Leveau has taken up residence in the Coven and has made herself at home. These two are perfect, I wish I had a voodoo priestess friend this fabulous to hang out with. Since I don’t, I’ll just sit here wishing I had Angela Bassett’s ability to throw ALLL the shade without saying a word.
The two have planned a meeting with the witch hunters under the guise of negotiating a truce. It’s pretty obvious from the moment they sit down and order their drinks – a filthy martini for Fiona and a diet Sprite for Marie (I didn’t even know there was such a thing as diet Sprite) – that they are not there to negotiate. The minute the head witch hunter opens his mouth Marie shuts him down.
After making demands for jets and other impossible things Fiona gets down to her final offer: that they all just die. That’s when we see that the waiter is Fiona’s boo the Axe-man and he kills ERRRRRRYBODY in the room that isn’t Fiona and Marie. If this doesn’t shut the droves of women up that bemoan daily that chivalry is dead I don’t know what will. How many men do you know will kill a room full of men for his girl? He wielded that ax with such precision and grace, even I was a little bit turned on.
Staring at a room full of the dead bodies of their enemies might sober some people up. But not Marie and Fiona. Before leaving the room what does Marie do? She takes a picture with her cell phone! Do you know how badly I want to be one of Marie Leveau’s Instagam followers?! Can some one work that out for me? Of course their triumph is short lived as that night, Delphine tries to kill the immortal Leveau with the help of the creepy doll-collecting butler. When the plan to kill her fails, the butler knocks Leveau over the head and leaves her unconscious body in the hands of Delphine to do as she pleases.
This episode was great. I just need people to die and stay dead. I wasn’t missing Queenie or Delphine that much for them to come back, but I guess it’ll all play out soon as the season is soon over.
What did you think? Did you watch? Is there a show on later this week that you all want me to cover? Let me know! I’ll see you all next time.